The Chinese Muslim Joint

I'm not really sure why, but I actually bought the Fugees' album, The Score (okay, okay, so I'm a poser from the suburbs). At the end of track 5, titled The Beast, a strange but very amusing dialog can be heard. Here, for the first time on the web, we exclusively bring you the full transcript of what we like to call, "This Next Chinese-Muslim Joint."

DISCLAIMER: The following transcript contains what some might term as "offensive" or "racist" language. We are only providing this transcript for entertainment purposes. The views expressed here are not neccesarily those of the authors of this page, our families or our dog. Read at your own risk.

This Next Chinese-Muslim Joint

The Cast:

Guy 1: He wants half-a-chicken wing

Guy 2: He wants four chicken wings, uh, "well done"

Chang-Wang: Restaurant Proprietor

[Chinese-muslim music can be heard in the background]

[Guy 1 to Guy 2] "Yo, Let's go to this next chinese-muslim joint and get some shrimp fried rice and make salaam at the same time..."

[Guy 2] "Ai-ight, coo."

[Chang-Wang hums in the background...]

[Chang-Wang sings] "You are not alone, I hmm hmm hmm..."

[Door bell rings]

[Guy 1] "Hey-yo, yo Chang-Wang, what's up?"

[Chang-Wang] "I'll be right out."

[Guy 1] "Yo, can we get something to eat, man?"

[Guy 2] "Yeah, can I eat?"

[Chang-Wang] "Right, right, one second. Okay then, fine, your order?"

[Guy 1] "Alright, Let me get umm, let me get two of them beef fried rices over there. Let me get a half a chicken-wing. Don't put that little, that little retarded leg in it, cuz..."

[Chang-Wang] "Right."

[Guy 1] "Cut that off."

[Chang-Wang] "Okay then."

[Guy 1] "Don't put no onions, in my, in my white rice."

[Guy 2] "Yo yo, yo yo yo, I need, I need four chicken-wings fried hard as shit."

[Guy 1] "I'm not finished."

[Chang-Wang] "Wait a minute. What's this? Hold on, what's this? The two of you, at once. Okay then, you want beef?"

[Guy 1, getting excited] "Beef? No, no, we want beef to eat, we ain't got no beef."

[Guy 2] "I want four chicken-wings fried hard, nigga, what the fuck you talkin' about?"

[Chang-Wang] "Fine. Alright. I'll kick you monkey-asses my fucking self."

[Chang-Wang jumps over the counter in 70's Kung-Fu style.]

[Guy 1] "Hey whoa whoa, what are you coming over the counter for, man?"

[Chang-Wang in a defiant tone] "Listen. You think I open a restaurant in the middle of the 'hood and don't know what's going on. I fucking represent."

[Guy 1] "I fuck you the fuck up"

[Chang-Wang] "I will avenge my brothers by representing and whupping your ass, word is bond*."

[Guy 2] "Nigger, this ain't channel five nigger, somebody's gonna die..."

[Chang-Wang] "Okay then, I must show you Flying Fists of Judah!"

[Guy 1] "Nigger ain't show me shit!"

[Chang-Wang] "That's right."

[Guy 1] "I'm gonna show these nuts."

[Chang-Wang] "You and you."

[Guy 2] "Nigger's straight from Mortal Kombat."

[Chang-Wang] "You're just talking. Obviously the two of you are just bitch-ass niggers, heh."

[Guy 1] "Nigger well then do something, you talking some bullshit."

[Guy 2] "What's up, so what's up, what's up nigger, what's up punk-ass?"

[Chang-Wang] "Alright. This is a chinese restaurant, but like Burger King, have it your way!"

[Fighting ensues]

[Guy 1 and Guy 2 cry out in pain]

* Thanks to Harry Allen

Have you heard this? Do you want to hear it?
You can download the sample of the entire exchange right here! We copied it straight from the CD.
We have it here in AIFF format.
Click here to download it (2.2 MB). It's really worth the download!!!