Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

Can you go over correct non-offensive terminology so that I can be sure that I am saying the right things?

Sure. I have Gender Identity Disorder (GID). GID encompasses a lot of subcategories, including the terms transsexual and transgender. Transgender is a broader term that's subcategories include cross-dressers, transvestites, and people who live in the opposite gender roles. Of these, I would be considered a transsexual. Transsexuals have some further derogatory names that I would prefer NOT to be called, such as "she-male" and "tranny." For information on proper addressing, terms, etc., be sure to see the excellent Style Guide for Writing About Transsexual and Transgender People.

Your preference would be to be addressed as a female in all areas? She, her, sister, daughter, neice, etc.?

I would appreciate it if you called me by feminine addresses, but if you feel weird doing it, I can understand and won't hold it against you.

So then what you are going though right now is correctly termed as a transformation then? Or is there a more correct term?

Most transsexuals call this stage transition. If you mention the word transition in the gender community, everyone will know exactly what you are talking about.

When it is all said and done, if things go the way you want them to go (operations, etc.), will you be considered a lesbian? How does that work?

I imagine for people looking at my relationship from the outside, they would believe that I am indeed a lesbian.

Would you identify with that group or would you just let people think that, while you went about your own business?

I doubt I would become a militant feminist lesbian, if that's what you're asking. I just want to be left alone to do my own thing.

I think I can understand the name Erin as it is close to your given boy name... But why Heather as a middle name?

It is a long story that involves a good friend from college and fake IDs. I picked it up back then and it just stuck. Besides, I like how the name flows together with Erin and Ward.

So what impact does this transition have on your job hunt?

It hasn't. I now have a job as me, Erin. They know I'm a transsexual and are "cool" with it.

So at what point will there be no more boy-mode? What is going to happen before then?

I started living full-time as a woman on March 17th, 2004.

So do you think that you will be able to grow longer hair, or will you have to use various hair pieces and stuff?

My hair is growing longer. The hormones I am on are stopping the baldness and hair is regrowing. Eventually when I have my Facial Feminization Surgery (FFS), I will probably need hair transplants to replace hair in the areas where it is very thin.

What is the difference between someone born female and the way you feel now?

Besides the genitalia that I currently have, none.

What if people refuse to identify with you in girl-mode? Like your grandmother for instance... Say she would only let you dress like a boy around her... And for some reason you decided that you had to be around her. Would you go in boy-mode?

I doubt I would dress in boy-mode unless I really had a good reason. Grandma's displeasure is not a good enough reason in my eyes.

A lot of people have the signs you mentioned in the about page:

• I've always been more effeminate than masculine,
  
• I've always been more polite than most boys,
  
• I preferred to play with girls in school,
  
• I didn't like gym class, I preferred art, history and languages.

But they do not feel transsexual. How are transsexual feelings different?

That is true -- there are a lot of effeminate boys who don't become transsexuals. But the majority of transsexuals (and a lot of homosexuals, too) have similar feelings. The difference is that transsexuals feel from a very early age that there is something wrong with their bodies -- something that needs to be corrected.

So there are people with similar feelings who do not consider themselves to be transsexuals. What is the deciding factor? Is it inexpressible, or is it something you could pinpoint?

Well, while looking back, those things are all good and well, but they weren't even close to the "deciding factor." The deciding factor is that inside, I feel (and I don't know how to describe this any better) "wrong."

For instance, say someone thought they might in fact be transsexual, but they were not sure. How would someone help them to know? What sorts of indicators are there?

It isn't something that anyone can tell you. You'll know. You'll Just Know™.

Are there people who convince themselves that they are transgendered?

Good question. I don't know the answer to that, though there are at least a few people who think that transsexuals wish for transition for reasons other than needing to be themselves. This has caused a lot of turmoil in the transsexual community.

You mentioned in your letter about how you are not experiencing a sexual perversion or whatever, whereas I imagine there are some people who might be after just that?

I think transvestites (cross-dressers) transition in a much less permanent fashion (they temporarily dress to pleasure themselves), but I am not this way. I don't derive sexual pleasure from dressing in women's clothes, I have to be the woman in a sexual relationship in order to derive pleasure. A subtle but distinct difference.

Does that mean though that you do not get pleasure being the man in your relationships with women?

It disgusts me.

Are there people who are considered to be genuinely transsexual/transgendered who do not feel they were born that way, but rather something happened to make them genuinely feel they should be the opposite gender?

Good question. I don't know the answer to that, though most people I've personally met online (or read their web sites) all knew from an early age that "something" was wrong. Most came to realize what it was in their early teens, and knew for sure by the middle-teens. Some people don't act on it until late in life (there are a whole lot of 40+, 50+ and even 60+ year-old transsexuals on line!).

What about the other way? Is the condition such that people who think they have it, and are diagnosed with GID suddenly decide, for some reason that they no longer feel that way?

Again, a good question. I know of studies where only a few "new women" (transsexuals that have gone through the surgeries) are unhappy and revert to live as males.

Your feeling is that you *are* a girl in every way but biological?

Indeed.

So why doesn't your biology match that I wonder?

There is a lot of research that suggests that transsexuals actually have similar brain structures closer to those of genetic girls than genetic males.

What is the difference between feeling like a girl and feeling like a boy?

Well, think of it in your own terms: how do you know you're a boy? You can just tell, right? It isn't just that you were treated like a boy, or that when you were born, the doctors said, "He has a penis, it is a boy!"

But how do you know that the feelings you have do not match your biological sex?

My body repulses me. It feels wrong. It's like the mental image of myself is one that is (should be) in a female body. I don't know how to elaborate on that.

The "something" wrong... In your case, is it fully corrected by changing your biological body to a female one?

Surgery is not a magical cure-all, though I know I will personally feel better about myself.

Are there GID cases where a the opposite sex body would be better, but there is still "something" wrong?

Most transsexuals undergo the surgery and are happy, yet still others remain bothered.

What are your feelings about YOU in this situation? Do you feel like the "problem" is limited to wrong biological body, or do you think there is more, or are you not sure?

I think the first surgery I need to complete that goal has nothing to do with genitalia -- I need FFS. Then, in order to be sexually happy, I will need the GRS (gender reassignment surgery). I think once I have had those two surgeries, and can pass as a female on the street, I will be truly happy -- I will be able to live the life that I always should have had....

So is there a population out there that is confused as to their gender identity? Like biological males that do not feel male, and do not identify with female either?

Yes, actually there is a small group of people that don't like to be classified as either of the two major genders. I don't think I fall anywhere in that group, though. An article from The Sciences magazine describes five sexes.